When I get quiet with the Lord, I often feel like crying. I have learned through the years that there are many of different sources for my tears. And I've learned by asking and sitting with Him asking, what is this?
This particular morning was another one of those mornings where I was asking “why this morning? Why again?” That was how I started my journal.
I feel like weeping, again. What is it this time?
You are feeling behind with no hope of catching up or making the right choices.
There are many things to do. I was leaving in a week. I need to do to prepare my home, family, and business for being gone for a week and the transition time when I return. Then there are all the things that I feel like I'm behind on in my house and for my family.
What do I do then? This isn't true. This isn't a place I can function from either.
Go back to your values and your priorities.
Decide what you will do.
Decide where to ask for help and decide what to say no to.
What are my values?
Congruence and Faith.
Congruence is a geometric term. If you have two of the same shape that are exactly the same size when you get them to perfectly overlap each other and it just looks like one shape, they are congruent. If they're offset, a different size, or shape, they're out of congruence.
For me, the idea of congruence is having what I say I believe and how I act match. I'm never going to get that perfect, this side of heaven. But that's my goal. That's what I'm aiming for. Without faith, it's impossible to please God. My highest desire is to please Him. And so there has to be faith in everything I do.
The priorities I wrote down were faith, family, and coaching. I quickly realized that I'm not even on the list. I still have growing to do. I'm learning to take care of myself, but I wasn't even on the list. Another old mindset to replace.
You are doing faith now, spending the time with Me, listening to what I have to say.
Make sure to take care of yourself and your family before the coaching.
Today it meant starting the pork roast in the morning so that we will have something for dinner. Making breakfast and getting my daughter dressed. Getting dressed myself. Asking what do I need to be okay before I go on to take care of coaching stuff, which can be endless because there's always more that I could do.
I trust if I do what He tells me to do it will be enough.
My feelings were telling me that it was hopeless, a lot of regret, a lot of condemnation. They told me I needed to get some perspective, but they're not emotions that I want to make choices out of. Making choices out of those emotions might look like sitting on the couch eating chocolate and ice cream and binge-watching movies that made me cry. That would not help with the being behind and not getting things done.
Instead, I can recognize these emotions are telling me I need things. I can go to the Father and find out what I need and how do I proceed?
He said, “Rest your mind, move your body.”
I needed to stop all the trying to figure everything out. Mental rest. Move my body and not like I need to get up and exercise or go for a walk, which I'm sure would be good for me. But get off the couch, start breakfast, start dinner, pick some things up. Get moving and move on to the things that need to be done.