Are you harder on yourself than you are on anyone else?
Do you feel empty or struggle to connect with your own feelings?
Do you strongly resist asking for help?
You could be dealing with the effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).
Emotional Neglect is a parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs.
Emotional Neglect is, in some ways, the opposite of mistreatment and abuse. Whereas mistreatment and abuse are parental acts, Emotional Neglect is a parent’s failure to act. It’s a failure to notice, attend to, or respond appropriately to a child’s feelings. Because it’s an act of omission, it’s not visible, noticeable or memorable.
Dr. Jonice Webb, Psychologist
I love that Dr. Jonice Webb teaches CEN is not about blaming your parents. Your parents, did the best they could with what they had and blaming them is...
I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Karen Smith of Life Connections Academy. Here's the transcript.
Karen Smith: 00:00 Hi, this is Karen Smith from Life Connections Academy. I am so honored today to be joined by Mukkove Johnson and we're going to be talking about her new book, Mess to Majesty. Mukkove Johnson is a certified Christian life coach specializing in childhood emotional neglect recovery and healing emotional wounds. She lives in Alaska with her husband of 25 years and her four children. The oldest is 20 and the youngest is two. She's written three books. The first is Christmas is About Jesus: Family Devotions for December. Then Easter is About Jesus: Family Devotions for the Easter Season, and her latest book, Mess to Majesty. Let God Love You in Your Mess. Welcome, Mukkove.
Mukkove Johnson: 00:47 Hi Karen. Thank you for having me.
Karen Smith: 00:50 You're welcome. Well, why don't you...
Have you ever shared something you were struggling with and felt worse instead of better?
I have. I would share with someone how I was struggling, whether it was with my own self-image, or trying to live the good Christian life, whatever it was. Often the answer was something along the lines of, "just receive God's love".
I wanted to scream or slap them. I wanted to scream, "If I knew how to do that, don't you think I'd be doing it already?" (maybe part of that was it took being pretty desperate for me to ask for help, but that's another topic)
I didn't know how to say they made it worse. It seemed so incredibly obvious that I should just know how to receive God's love. If I wasn't doing it then it had to be because I wasn't trying hard enough, I wasn't being sincere, I wasn't letting God love me. Those things that just weren't helpful at all!
They added more condemnation, shame, and confirmation of the deeply rooted belief I had that I was somehow uniquely...
This video was recorded on Monday with Mukkove, a weekly feature in the Ready. Set. SOAR! Community on Facebook.
I felt like I failed all the time and I was miserable. And it didn't matter how hard I tried. It didn't work. Other people would come from a conference or read a book and say, ”This was life-changing! Just do this.” I would try to do that and it just wouldn't work. It just would convince me, “It's me. I'm severely broken. I'm severely messed up, severely flawed.”
I wanted to be pleasing to the Lord and wanted to be impacting people for the Lord. Trying harder was not working.
When I learned to hear God's voice for myself, I began to be able to see myself the way God sees me. That allowed Him to transform me through transforming my thinking instead of me trying to transform my thinking without having that...
One of Jesus’s names is Immanuel, God with us. That can be a great comfort when we are in a stormy season of life.
I was imagining myself in the eye of the storm and God is with me there. He has promised to never leave me. Experiencing Love
He also showed me that I can join Him where He is – over the storm. Where He sits He sees so much more. He is smiling, truly excited, because He knows the end from the beginning. He’s inviting me, inviting you to join Him where he is seated above the storm. We can see His perspective. We can be excited too because He has made the way for us to be above the storm.
In this season He has told me He is not sending the storms. He told me that the storms are the enemy being like a toddler and throwing a tantrum. Have you ever been in a good place as a parent? You know that place where you can watch your toddler’s tantrum and be like, “Oh, wow! I’m sorry this is so...
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”
1 John 4:18 KJV
I always felt condemnation when I heard that verse.
I thought it should be comforting and reassuring so I felt even more condemned.
I experience fear, therefore, I don’t have perfect love. There must be something wrong with me because I still experience fear.
Jesus is perfect love and in His presence, there is no fear. It was so comforting. I don’t need to get to a point where I have no fear. Maybe that’s not humanly possible. But I don’t have to. I just come back to love. I come back to the person of love.
I rested in that for a couple of days. On Sunday during worship, the songs came together to solidify the revelation. One line from a song says “Fear doesn’t stand a chance when I stand in Your...