Have You Been Impacted by Childhood Emotional Neglect?

Often when I mention Childhood Emotional Neglect the question is "What does it look like in an adult?" Here are a couple of posts I wrote on Medium to begin to answer that question.

Does something spark in you when you hear Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)?

Does that something wonder how you would know if this is the answer you’ve been looking for? Do you wonder what CEN looks like in an adult?

Dr. Jonice Webb coined the term CEN from years of research and practice. She defines it as

Childhood Emotional Neglect is a parent’s failure to respond enough to the child’s emotional needs.”

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Can You Be Too Independent?

It might be counter dependence

Can you give him a high-five? A bump-it? A smile?

No. Nothing.

I feel the frustration rising as my social toddler buries her face in my shoulder farther with each question. Why does she act so shy?

I tell myself “I should be able to figure this...

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How Will You Mark This Time? For Corona or Christ?

When things started shifting and shutting down for the Coronavirus I felt an urgency saying “It's time to prepare.” It's time to be really intentional. I felt like this pandemic wasn't going to be that bad. It's just a warning. Like the Braxton Hicks contractions. It's not real labor, but it's a warning to get ready. We're getting closer. Are you mentally ready? Are you spiritually ready? Are you physically ready for what's coming? I felt that urgency so strongly it makes me weep. I have been frustrated with myself because I haven't been as intentional in preparing as I want to be. 

I want to make the most of this time when the world is completely thrown off-kilter. There's been teachings and training and resources I think I need. I want more time with the Lord and there just isn't time for all of it. 

On the one hand, I’m giving myself credit for being intentional, even if it is looking different than I thought it would. God is speaking to me through...

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4 Keys to Defeat Giants

fearless overcoming pioneer Apr 02, 2020

David went up against a giant. Everybody thought he was crazy. Yet he won.

It’s always been a story of the miraculous deliverance of God. David being the underdog, unequipped, and full of faith.

In the book, David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants by Malcolm Gladwell, I got a new perspective. It helped me look at the story in a new way.

What if David wasn’t the underdog?

I’m not saying the victory would have happened without God. It wouldn’t have. But maybe there are some things we need to look at differently. I think we can see some things that will empower us in our battles today. 

David didn't enter into the battle with Goliath, with blind faith that God was miraculously going to kill Goliath. 

Why do I say that?

Look at what David said.

But David persisted. "I have been taking care of my father's sheep and goats," he said. "When a lion or a bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock, I go after it with a club and...

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Connect with Your Life, Emotions, and Relationships

Living disconnected

Cindy began working with me because she felt disconnected from her life - her emotions, her marriage, her interests, everything - and she didn’t know what went wrong or how to fix it.

Living disconnected, watching life pass her by was not how Cindy wanted to live. Looking for answers, she read some books. 

Soon she realized this was a journey she wasn’t going to make on her own. There was too much she didn’t know, too many things she needed a new perspective on.

Reaching out

Cindy reached out to me and shared how she was struggling. I assured her I could help because I could relate. I have been there. The Lord has brought me through. I have a passion to help others come through faster and with less pain than I did so, I have been identifying tools and sticking points for years.

Cindy and I worked through my Step into Peace Program. We started with learning to hear God’s voice. The rest of the curriculum has been helpful but these...

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Do You Struggle to Celebrate?

overcoming self-care Dec 26, 2019

Celebrating can be a struggle if you grew up being told not to get too excited or not to think too highly of yourself.

Celebrating is important. Even celebrating ourselves. God wants to bless us, He wants to change us. He wants us to give credit where credit is due, we can do nothing without Him. Too often that seems to translate to we can do nothing.  With Him, we can do all things. Like a proud papa, He enjoys us being proud of what we've accomplished.  

I love to reflect at the end of the year.

I love to reflect all the time, but especially at the end of a year. One of the blessings of writing our Christmas letter every year is looking back over what God has done in our lives that year.

Practice celebrating

Celebrating is a struggle for me so I’m practicing. I’m making a list of things from 2019 to celebrate and I encourage you to do the same. 

Brag on God. 

Be proud of yourself.

Here’s the start of my list:

  • I had a fabulous trip to...
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Plan a Peaceful Holiday

mothering overcoming rest Dec 05, 2019

 Are your holiday plans well underway or running away?

To have rest at any time of the year we have to plan and prioritize. Even more so at Christmas. 

Download my #1 Tip for a peaceful holiday!

Here's a method for a more peaceful holiday season.

  • Make a full inventory of all you intend to do.
  • Now list the preparation involved for each item on your list. List EVERYTHING involved, every step in its entirety. 
  • Look at how many resources – not only money – time & emotions, too, each item will take.  

  • Now the reality check. Can you actually do everything on your list? Do you have enough of every kind of resource to pull it off? Another question, do you want to use all those resources? Do you have any reserves? 
  • Make sure to plan for some rest, too.

In the past, I have failed in many steps of this planning.

Every year I continue to simplify and learn to be more realistic in my planning, in understanding what it will really take to pull...

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Celebrating Mess to Majesty

This week was Launch week for Mess to Majesty: Let God Love You in Your Mess.

I wrestled through some fear before I opened my computer and checked the ranking on Amazon.

I realized I was afraid no one would be downloading the book. I was also afraid people would respond and not be impressed. Maybe what I have to offer isn't good enough after all.

I silenced the fears and trusted that I have been following God in this process so there's no reason to stop now.

I was blessed when I found Mess to Majesty on Amazon and scrolled down to the ratings.

A few hours later:

A couple of hours later:

God is so good to bless the work I did in obedience. I am humbled. I am learning to be excited and joyful. You're excitement and encouragement helps so much!

I was also blessed to be a guest on Sparkle & Shine with Kendall Patton.

We had a great time and discussed a variety of topics like:

  • mothering
  • balance
  • rest
  • is it heavy or weighty
  • wounds
  • you are made to carry weighty things
  • prayer

Grab a...

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Behind the Scenes of Mess to Majesty

overcoming soul healing Sep 12, 2019

The Idea

I began writing a book as an assignment in my training program. I’ve written books before but this time was different. The first books I wrote were to meet my own needs for my own children. This time I had to choose who to reach and why.

I wanted to write a book that would make an impact. A book that would begin or encourage a transformation for each woman who reads it. Through a process of prayer and planning Mess to Majesty was born.

I have felt like a mess most of my life. Often I have let that keep me from building relationships with people. I’ve also let it keep me from fully trusting God to use me.

Thankfully I learned there are people who love me in my mess. God loves to use my mess to transform me and show off on my behalf. I'm growing in my trust for Him.

As long as I made time for it writing was easy. Until I hired my editor.

I hired an editor who is encouraging me to write better than I ever have. Writing comes easy and I often leave it at...

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Run into the Storm

fearless overcoming rest Sep 05, 2019
We're called to soar. We're called to live above our circumstances.
 
I was listening to Broken Walls at the Alaska State Fair. Jonathan Maracle, a Mohawk Indian, shared how they teach to be like the eagle. In a storm every other animal goes and hunkers down to wait out the storm. An eagle flies into the storm. By flying into the storm, it can catch the updrafts and be carried up above the storm.
 

How do we run into the storm? How do we catch the updraft?

 
If you have a strong, negative emotional response to the idea of doing something, do it.
 
It may be a hard conversation, starting a new relationship, trying a new skill or investing in yourself.
 
My most recent experience is investing in myself. There is a coaching training in Florida in November. I didn’t even allow myself to consider going at first. Even though I told myself no I kept wondering, “What if?”
 
As I did thoughts like, “I...
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I Wish I Could Stop Feeling!

What I feel is bad. I don’t know what to do with it. I should be able to stop feeling this way because these feelings aren’t helpful.

Feelings are helpful when you know how they work

Our other senses give us valuable information about our physical world, emotions give us valuable feedback about our relationships - with God, yourself and others. We would never wish to stop seeing or hearing, why do we wish to stop feeling?

Because we don't know how to hear the messages they have for us. 

How do we get the messages

Feel the emotion

How does your body feel? How are you breathing? Where is there peace? Where is there stress? Where is it coming from?

Name the emotion

If you want help you can use a list of emotions to get you started. Name as many emotions and reasons for them as you can.

Ask what the message is

Once you know where the emotions are coming from and what they are called you can ask what the emotions are trying to tell you. Is there someone you need to...

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